Chase (v): To follow rapidly in order to catch (this could pertain to my career), to go and follow in pursuit (I think I’ll assign this to love)

I wish I had a PhD in life, unfortunately I don’t. It’s a hard thing to do and being an independent woman in Boston doesn’t make it any easier; I’m a triple A, work till I drop, laugh a lot because I can, walk fast, talk fast kinda girl. I do it all and I do it in 5 inch heels.

You would think navigating a career and a new relationship while breaking the age barrier of 30 would be as easy as getting home in a timely manner during a sox-yankees series (this ladies and gents is sarcasm at its finest). However it is not and I am stumbling through this cray cray life one day at a time with a iPhone in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

These are my daily musings; my everyday observations. I am here to rave, rant , tell my stories and perhaps laugh at those times when wine and over priced shoes, tears just aren’t enough.

So what happens after you caught Prince Charming? You could say I’m still Chasing Boston.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Episode 17: “Lights, Camera, Take Your Clothes Off”

A near-death experience (NDE) experiences associated with impending death, encompassing multiple possible sensations including detachment from the body; extreme fear; total serenity, or warmth; the experience of absolute dissolution; and the presence of a light.

Even though every single first date, last date, and date in-between has felt like an NDE, I unfortunately have had the displeasure of having an actual NDE…twice as a matter of fact. One involved a MACK truck and the other a wedding….

After my second brush with death I quickly realized that life was too short and I was missing out on everything; my revelation was that I didn’t know 1% of anything that existed in this world and it was my mission to try to figure out what life was all about. I had entered my “Year of the Yes” this was the time that no matter what came up; I was going to experience it.

Enter Mr. Snuff Film (not really, he actually made independent films, but this name was way more exciting)

We met at the Library. He was reading a book and I was lost. He offered directions only because the sound of my heels on the marble was distracting (minus one point for him) as was my eyes (plus 2 points for him) we struck up a conversation and the next thing I know we are at coffee and he is divulging me about his new film, written and directed by him, of course. You would be great as “Beth” he said. In my most coy manner I slipped him my business card and just said “find me”.

The script was in my hands the next day and was loving “Beth”. She was the totally normal, stable and strong girlfriend of the main character. I memorized my 4 lines that afternoon and begun to hone my technique; Eye lids up, look away, shock face, happy face, choking back tears, anger, resentment, fear…I had it all in my bag of tricks and I was going right to the top. Move over Jennifer Grey, there’s a new awkward girl in town.

“We LOVE you!!” I felt as if I had just won a pair of the “Something Blue” Manolos, of COURSE they loved me, I was a natural.
“What’s your schedule like tomorrow; we want you to come back for a second read”
The producer handed me the revised script and I went out running to the car. I made every call I could think of; Mom, Brother, Friends, Friends of Friends, PR agents, Magazines. I called a Stylist, a Dermatologist and I settled in to really enjoy the beginning of the beginning.

I got home, changed into sweats (as I was fully prepared to engulf all that was the character) and opened the script… Character Assessment for: KANDI APPLE-Heroin addicted prostitute living with rapid drug and sexual addictions. End Quote.

No no, I’m Beth! I yelled at the script. I fumbled around for my cell and quickly dialed and re-dialed Mr. SF until he picked up:
“Oh hey, so um, there…uh, I think that there may be a mistake because…”
“No” he said in a dramatic tone, “no mistake, you listen to me ok”
“Uh, ok”
“Your energy was vibrant today, I saw it, I saw it with my soul, you were giving off the stench of Kandi, it was vapid and raw and intoxicating. You were the essence of her.”
(cue silence)
“That stench was Chanel Chance, and I was wearing pearls for Christ’s sakes!”
“Pearls of sin” he said
“Sin?!?! They were pearls of South Pacific OYSTERS! Besides, the first line has me gurgling on stripper pole, naked, falling into a heroin OD”
“So…take your clothes off”
“oohhh child, you did NOT just say that”

After a brief explanation as to why the act of selling out my body was against my moral code, we in a scene out of JAWS, expressed our displeasure for the other and the situation at hand.

I was a lady after all, and deserved to be treated as such!… it was December and my wax-ist was out of town.